virenlr The Mind of an Overthinker

Identity in a Relationship

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1. “You cannot love someone you need, because you should not need someone you love” – In a world where neediness and dependence between the partners in a relationship are exalted and glorified, I stand by the belief that love, in its complex and intricate nature, requires that the partners in a relationship be able to “be independent, together.” I firmly believe that real love blossoms and flourishes when the partners do not stay with each other out of a sense of neediness or dependence, but out of a sense of synergy- being able to grow faster when together than when apart.

I believe that when you need the person you love, you also essentially give them the power to destroy you, having given up the key to your identity.

2. “No matter how much you love someone, you can only be one of the two people in a relationship” – You cannot define how the other looks at, feels, or thinks about you, because, by the very definition of a relationship, you can only be one partner. This double-edged sword allows one to experience immense joy when their expectations are satisfied, but great dissatisfaction when their expectations are not. I believe that the solution here is to be self-aware, controlling the only person you can change; yourself.

3. “Love yourself more than you love your partner, because you never know when your partner may stop loving you” – I believe that the prerequisite to being able to unconditionally love another is that you should be able to unconditionally love yourself first, something that many people struggle with. I believe that unconditionally loving someone requires you to be stable and independent, physically, emotionally, and financially and that this independence of identity in a relationship will allow one to be able to cope with and survive all the turbulence that comes along with having a deep, meaningful relationship with someone, especially because the only constant in a person is the frequent changes in their identity.

virenlr The Mind of an Overthinker

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I'm a self-certified overthinker. I write articles about the thoughts I have when overthinking. I'm also an ML Engineer and App Developer. But who am I, really?